Sports Perspectives

A collection of notes and comments from readers:

Dear Tiger Woods,

I can’t believe this is happening to me, to you, to us! I’m so distraught. I invested so much emotional currency into you! I’m a stark raving mad fan of yours…and golf too. Well, actually, I hate golf but, you my friend, make watching that hobby sooooo much fun! It even brought me and my dad closer together.

We’d sit around and he’d say something like,  “Did you see Tiger today?” And I’d be like, “Yeah” and he’d be like, “He’s so special. He works out, you know.” And I’d be “I know.”

It stunned me that you fucked all those women. We looked up to you. And then you went and destroyed my faith in you. I need an idol and you were it!

Maxime, Los Angeles.

Dear Tiger,

Grrrroooowwwwwllll!!!

P. Anderson, Waterbury, Vt.

Dear Tiger,

Why did you do it? Why, dammit!  You have such a beautiful wife and kids! You were my Gandhi! My Mandela! I still believe in you. I mean, not even Jesus was perfect, right?

Emilio, Cincinnati

Dear Mr. Woods,

Well now you really blew it. All that dough and you still gave into your urges. If I’m your wife, I go make a porn to get back at you!

Paul Wagner, Ottawa.

*Spits on the ground. Wipes mouth with forearm*

Hi Tiger,

Listen, Ernie here. Could you advise if I should keep buying Gillette? Seriously, I’m at Walmart and need to know. Bic looks mighty good right about now.

Mr. Woods,

Stay strong, Tiger.  We’ll all be waiting for you when you come back.

PS: See what marriage does? Your father was right!

Man with blue eyes in Saskatchewan

tigger,

ur gr8! i luv u! can i scratch ur golf balls?

Emma

gOlf for lOSERS!!!

WhO caRes? gOLF is FILLed with fake people. it’s an old country club of elitist snobs. imagine people going around following these pipi heads on a green course waiting to see i fthey canput a tiny white ball in ahole!

but m’boy tiger knows how to find the hole alright!

antoine

I loved Caddyshack! Pierre

Dear (Dead) Woods,

The fall of Western culture continues. Just another manufactured millionaire athlete thinking they can do anything they want.  I will pray for your soul tonight.

Albert IV, Munich, Germany.